I'm a little rusty on my "teacher voice." I need to get it back in form as opening day is (alas) right around the corner. I decided to practice on my garden:



"Hey, slug! Where are you supposed to be right now? I need to see your hall pass, mister."

"Miss Sunflower, just because the other sunflowers are looking ratty and desperate doesn't mean you have to look like that, too. Part of growing up means making choices for yourself. You don't want to look like trash, do you?"

"One tomato, this season's crop is woefully underwhelming. You're going to have to make a better effort if you expect to pass my garden this year."

"Heirloom zucchini, I know you made a late start, moving to the neighborhood late as you did. I'm trying to help you out, but you've just got to catch up!"

"Mint, if you continue to bolt, despite my warnings, I'll have to call your parents in for a conference."

"Zinnias, I understand that you don't like Katie nibbling on your leaves, but nobody likes a tattle-tale."

"Geraniums, we've been over the dress code a million times. You HAVE to wear flowers in the garden."

"Hydrangea, snails are not allowed on campus. Do not, under any circumstances, bring them in the future. Is that absolutely clear?"

"Lavender, I have moved your pot several times during the course of the season, and you just aren't succeeding anywhere! I'm running out of different places to set you. The next time I need to move you because you're not behaving, you'll go to the principal's office."